I have been attempting to say something about Las Vegas all day. But I can’t find anything eloquent to say.
Because I am paralyzed by the fear of raising my boys in this world where evil people choose to remind us all too often that there is no way to keep them safe. When I chose to bring them into life, I chose to know love so deep and fierce that it makes the world even more terrifying.
The only consolation is that, at least for today, my boys are too little to know about evil and murder and hate and terror. They don’t have access to news unless I give them access. They’re just babies. This mass shooting is not the one I have to explain to them.
But someday, they’ll hear something I don’t want them to hear, and I’ll have to watch their faces as they discover that sometimes people kill other people who have done nothing at all to “deserve” it.
Someday they’ll be afraid, too. Because aren’t we all a little afraid?
But today, they aren’t afraid, and I am happy to carry this fear alone to let them be innocent for as long as possible.
I am devastated for everyone who lost someone they loved last night in Las Vegas. It’s unimaginable. I can’t even let my mind wander to the horror of that night. I know it’s a luxury that I can even choose to stop thinking about the details- those who are directly affected can’t make that choice today, and that weight must be absolutely unbearable.
As a mom myself, I am especially holding in my heart the mothers who lost their “babies” in that hail of bullets and terror. Those mothers who once cradled their children and took on all the fears of the world to let them play without worry for just a little longer, are living the ultimate nightmare of living without them. How will they carry on?
There’s nothing I can really do to fix the world, but my heart is heavy and my tears are flowing.