My Henry 

Last night my Henry tried to go to bed, but after a few minutes, he came to me, lip quivering, and said he just couldn’t lay by himself and go to sleep.

There was no excuse.
No pretend desire for a glass of water.
No sudden need to pee. Again.

No complaints of phantom boo-boos or itchy tags or pillows that were too cold or any other silly 4-year-old thing that he usually comes up with to delay bedtime.

He just wanted me to hold him a little while because he didn’t want to lay on his bed by himself in the dark at that moment.

First, I did what I thoght I “should” do to preserve our recently perfected bedtime routine, and I gently told him he needed to lay back down.

But then I realized how stupid I was being. Why would I ever miss a chance to hold my baby when he needs me?

So, I told him to get back up, and I scooped him up and we laid on my bed together. As I looked at his tiny little face in the glow of the nightlight, I remembered the years before he was mine, and million nights I fell asleep on a tear-soaked pillow wondering if he would ever exist.

Overwhelmed with the beauty of his tiny little body laying there next to mine, I started to cry a little bit. Henry was a unsure how he felt about that, but I told him that I was just crying because sometimes when I see him, my heart just overflows with love and happiness and it spills out onto my face.

We laid there for a few minutes, and he drew shapes on my face with his sticky little fingers, and I tickled him and we talked about his eyelashes, his freckles, his little round belly…everything that makes him my Henry.

Then, I started talking about school, and he got quiet. He stuck his little finger right into the corner of my eye to make sure there were no more silly “love tears,” then confessed the reason for his sudden need to snuggle: “I’m starting to get a little bit nervous.”

Oh, my boy. My sweet, outgoing, beautiful boy who has never met a stranger. The same boy who has been reassuring ME that he will come home after school, and that I shouldn’t worry about him. For the first time since I first mentioned school back in the spring, he is realizing that this is new territory, and he is a tiny bit afraid.

How my mama heart wanted to tell him he didn’t have to go. He could stay here in our home with me and never walk into that classroom. I wanted to tell him that I’ll call the school and let them know he wasn’t coming- because I’ve been nervous about this for months, and his enthusiasm has been the only thing that allowed me to follow through. I’m not ready.

But I didn’t do that. I didn’t give him the chance to back out. I rubbed his chubby little cheek and I said, “It’s normal to be nervous. But you are so friendly and smart. You will have fun making friends and learning. I know it’s scary to do something new sometimes, but I know my Henry, and I know you’ll do great.”

He didn’t really say much, but he did suddenly feel like he wanted to lay in his bed and go to sleep. He believes me when I tell him who he is.

Today he believes he is friendly and smart. He believes he can do it even when he’s afraid.

And that makes me believe I can let him do it, even though I’m afraid.

Today is the last day of his time as a full-time stay-at-home boy. So, I’m hitting the button to publish these words, and then spending the rest of this day soaking him in.

Sweet love of my life, I’m so honored to walk every road with you. Preschool has never seen a boy exactly like you.



Loving a Second Child

Loving a second child is the hardest thing I’ve ever tried to explain. When I was carrying Walker, I was worried for Henry. I thought I’d have to give him some of the love I had lavishly poured into his older brother. I thought they’d have to share, and someone inevitably wouldn’t get enough.

But I was relieved to find that isn’t how this works. When Walker was placed on my chest for the very first time, a dam broke and a fresh love poured out that was from the

DSC_1690 bw
Danielle Davila,

same river as my love for Henry, but ultimately it was, and still is its very own stream.

Henry was hard won. Hard to conceive, easy to carry, but hard to deliver. Unlike the tumultuous season he was born into, he was calm and easy. I missed his first day because of his difficult arrival, but he knew me the moment I finally touched him. His gentle presence ended up being the balm that healed many of my wounds. In so many more ways than I can share here in a few words, he fixed what was broken in me.

Henry has always been gentle and kind and wise and full of joy.

You know the feeling when you’re sitting on a blanket outdoors on a balmy day and just when it starts to be a little too warm, there is a strong breeze and everyone simultaneously takes a breath and echoes, “That breeze! It’s such a beautiful day!”

That breeze is Henry. He makes life feel beautiful, even when it threatens to become a little uncomfortable.

Sometimes my gentle breeze gets whipped into a frenzy, and he feels more like a little hurricane…but I’m getting pretty good at helping him harness all that energy, and he always returns to his calm center with ease.

Walker came to us while we were on a completely different part of our journey. He joined us when things in our family were already calm and beautiful. He was easy to create, easy to carry, peaceful to deliver. His surgical birth didn’t feel medical. It felt like the spiritual experience I had imagined. It was perfect.

From the moment we knew he was in my belly, Walker’s presence felt like a ray of sunshine streaming through the window on the kind of lazy Saturday morning when you don’t have any pressing reason to get out of bed…Just warm and happy and tranquil.

You know that feeling you get when your eyes open and at first, you think it’s time to get up for work- but then you remember that it’s the weekend? That relief, that happiness, that simple joy… That’s my Walker.

Like sunshine, my second boy can crank up the heat. While Henry is usually gentle and mellow, Walker can sometimes be intense and unrelenting. But like the sun, he is bright and life-giving.

Walker has shined light into places that were still dark, and made me want to be better. Healthier. Stronger. I want to truly live because I can’t wait to see where life takes these brothers as they discover who they are.

Henry, my gentle breeze, and Walker, my sunshine.

Henry reminds me to take a deep breath, and Walker warms my soul.

Every day doesn’t feel special. Being at home with them full time can be hard. I have often wondered if I’ll ever find time to explore my own passions again.

But the long days make up the short years that are flying by, so as long as I live, I will take time to put into the words the wonder of motherhood whenever it hits me.

Each exhausted night, I lay my head down with a full heart, so grateful for my children, and for the privilege of exploring with them and discovering them as they grow.

There is little boy magic in every day of my life, and I don’t intend to miss it.

Let’s connect on Facebook!

The essay has been shared almost 30,000 times as of this moment. I can barely keep up with the number of messages and friend requests I am getting. I am so humbled and overwhelmed in the best way.

I’d love it if you would like my public Facebook page. I am set up to connect with you there! I have it open to receive direct messages, so please say hello!

Make sure you check out the video so you’ll know exactly what happened here! 🙂

Really exciting weekend!! YAY!





The Scary Mommy Essay

Hi! I can almost bet you’re here because you saw my article on Scary Mommy. I am super excited that you looked me up! I’m still working on this site because two days ago, I was just a stay-at-home mom writing to express myself. I happened to catch the right eye, and jumped on the opportunity- I didn’t expect to be featured on Scary Mommy less than 48 hours later! Is this real life?!

I am REALLY EXCITED to create a space here where I can share my thoughts and hear yours. Please check back in! I am working hard and should have something more fun than a placeholder shortly.



If you missed the article, check it out here: